An Udderly Swiss Conundrum

It’s not always easy to know when you’ve crossed a border in the Schengen zone, that’s kind of the point I suppose. And so it was as we drove from France into our new country of Switzerland

There was no sign, no welcome and certainly no border guards. It was all a bit of an anti-climax.

And that wasn’t the only anti-climax. We had had high hopes and great expectations of this wealthy, beautiful and – we supposed – well run country. But our first impressions were very different.

We knew we were definitely in Switzerland when we drove past CERN – the scientific research institute that built the Large Hadron Collider (LHC). You couldn’t really miss it

But after the excitement of that was over we found ourselves driving along rather drab roads into the rather drab town of Satigny where we were planning to spend a couple of nights in the Park and Ride.

Our plan was to visit CERN the following day then take the train into Geneva the day after that. But when we arrived at the car park it was small and cramped and did not feel particularly safe. The buses that drove around the car park came within a couple of inches of us throughout the day and night. Then a car pulled up next to us at 10:30pm and four men got out walking towards the truck. When they saw James looking at them they hurried back to their car and drove away. This was the first time we had felt vulnerable anywhere and we didn’t like it.

To make matters worse, there was no internet signal at all, it was very strange. All in all this was not what we had expected from Switzerland and we weren’t sure what to make of it.

A couple of other things to say about Switzerland – firstly, everything is very, very expensive. From bus rides to food to entrance fees and everything inbetween.

Secondly, they really don’t like motorhomes. Wild camping is strictly illegal and there are very few legal sites on offer other than full-service campsites generally costing between £50 and £90 a night. Police actively search for motorhomes that are parked up anywhere other than a campsite. If they find you inside at night they’ll fine you around £500. We even found some towns where motorhomes weren’t allowed to park in any car park even during the day or were banned from the town altogether.

My itinerary had two months worth of things to do in this country but in the first few days after crossing the border we wondered whether we would even last a week.

But this was our first night so we were still feeling positive. We woke the next morning and headed straight to CERN for our appointment with a particle accelerator

Tickets into CERN are free and allow access to a fascinating exhibition all about their work and the LHC in particular. We saw models of how particle accelerators work

Along with intriguing scientific facts and figures

I wandered around the exhibition holding back a few tears thinking how excited my Dad would have been for us and how much he would have loved to be there

But the best part of any trip to CERN is a guided tour of the facility. These tours can only be booked on-site and only 1% of visitors are lucky enough to get onto one.

We couldn’t believe our luck when we were successful on only our second application.

It was amazing to see the real things

This is the older Synchrocyclotron, now replaced by the LHC

And this is the live control room for the LHC itself

We had finished our tour by about 3pm and should have gone back to the Park and Ride ready to explore Geneva the next day. But our hearts weren’t in it. We didn’t feel safe in the car park and we couldn’t get excited about Geneva.

So as we climbed into the truck I made a radical suggestion – what if we give Geneva a miss and head straight to the pretty town of Lausanne instead?

James needed no persuading. I had found a campsite on the northern edge of the town and we decided to head for that.

And so we discovered another downside to Switzerland. The roads.

To drive the motorways in Switzerland you need a vignette but we decided against buying one on the assumption that the smaller roads would be better as they had been in France.

Big mistake. Switzerland is not France.

It took us nearly three hours to drive 75km and most of that was through a grimy, grid-locked city full of road works and narrow roads. For the last half an hour of the journey James was saying ‘I’ve had enough of this… get us out of here anyway you can …I just want this to stop’!

It was truly awful and when we finally arrived at the campsite it was run down and pretty grim. But the owner was friendly and showed me where we could empty our tanks and fill up with fresh water.

We also met a lovely German who lived on the campsite. He had been in Switzerland for many years and gave us some sound advice that helped us enormously over the next few days. Firstly, he told us that if we had accidentally used a motorway (which we felt sure we had at some point in that awful journey) and hadn’t been stopped by the police then we wouldn’t get an automated fine through the post. That in itself took a huge weight off my mind.

Secondly, he told us that wild camping was allowed above the tree line (2,000m up) and that if we chose remote spots and kept quiet and discreet we were likely to be left alone even below that.

And thirdly he said just buy a vignette, it will make all the difference to the driving.

The next morning we spent a couple of hours re-planning our itinerary and rethinking how we were going to approach this new and difficult country. We also bought a vignette and it was the best money we have ever spent.

We decided that, despite advice from a good friend who had just returned from a very happy family holiday in Lausanne, we couldn’t face going back into the city – the memory of the previous day was just too raw.

So we headed east around Lake Geneva into the vineyard area and arrived at the picturesque little town of Epesses

The roads were very tight and at one point we weren’t sure whether BigMog would actually fit through. But he did and we eventually found somewhere to park with beautiful views

We walked through the main street of the town, it was all very pretty and quaint

We had hoped to find a vineyard where we could book a wine tasting but everywhere was closed and it was starting to rain so we headed back to the truck for lunch in the hope that places might open up in the afternoon.

They didn’t, in fact a local told us that nowhere would open until 5pm. So we decided to call it a day and go in search of somewhere to stay for the night.

Armed with the reassurances from our German friend at the campsite, we decided to try a nearby 24 hour car park but when we arrived it had rather too many no-camping signs and penalty warnings. So we drove on further out of town where we found a car park in a village that allowed motorhomes but only for a maximum of 10 hours. Not so useful when you arrive at 5pm.

Nearby was a mechanic’s garage and James decided to go and ask him whether we could use some space in his forecourt to clean our brakes which had started squealing very badly. The mechanic didn’t speak a word of English but with James’ natural good humour and a bit of universal sign language he eventually understood the request.

He welcomed us in – not only to work on the brakes but also to stay the night. Things were looking up!

James set about cleaning the brakes whilst I worked on the blog, after which we spent a lovely, quiet night sleeping soundly in the Swiss countryside, finally finding some peace.

That night it rained – hard and long. We had to batten down all our windows only to find the driving water had come in through the vent in the wet room

The next morning, a few miles down the road, we found Chillon Castle and it was absolutely fabulous

Inside, the rooms were still as they had been in mediaeval times

With the most incredible ceilings in every room

The atmosphere was wonderful, I decided to move in

Underneath, the cellars were like a labyrinth

With some incredible history

We wandered around for hours poking around the ramparts

And enjoying the magnificent views over the lake

It was a great morning and we were starting to settle into Switzerland a little bit better.

We planned to spend that night in an aire in the ski town of Moleson, a rare facility provided by the authorities where motorhomes could camp. When we arrived we were thrilled

This was more like the Switzerland we had expected. We settled in, opened a bottle of wine and basked in the peaceful surroundings

Peaceful until absolutely biblical rain started pounding down on us at about 8pm and didn’t stop all night. We shut everything tight – remembering the vent in the wet room this time – and slept with the sound of the rain lashing down.

When I woke up the next day it was as though we were in a different country. The cloudless skies were a perfect blue. The sun shone down on me whilst I did my training and we opened up all the windows and doors to let the condensation dry out.

While Moleson is pretty, we were only there because of its proximity to its rather more famous neighbour. We were next door to Gruyere.

Long term readers of this blog – as well as those who know me well – will not be surprised to hear that this was going to be one of my highlights.

We started at Maison Gruyere, the factory where the cheese is actually made

We learnt so much about Gruyere cheese, made only with milk from cows that graze in the Gruyere region. There are 170 cheese makers in the village, relying on 2,200 cows who produce 345 million litres of milk a year, making around 30,000 tonnes of cheese.

That’s a lot of cheese. Possibly more than I could eat in a month!

After the exhibition we entered a viewing platform where we could watch the cheese-making process. First the milk is processed in big vats until it is the perfect consistency

Then it’s poured into the moulds

After most of the water has drained off the labels are put on indicating where and when it was made

Then the lids are attached

The machine rolls over and the process is repeated

Each vat is only allowed to be used once a day and one vat fills one row of moulds. So 36 wheels a day in this one facility.

I took videos of the whole process and have edited them into this

At the end of each day, the wheels are taken to a pressing room and pressed for 5 months. After that the cheese is taken out of the moulds and placed in huge store rooms to mature for 6-18 months

By the end of the tour my mouth was watering so we headed straight for the shop and bought 12 month aged Gruyere, cheese sticks and a loaf of crusty bread.

Our next stop was Gruyere Castle, in the heart of the village. We drove up the steep hill to a car park and walked the rest of the way.

The village itself was very pretty but very touristy

There is even a museum and bar dedicated to the Alien films with some weird and wonderful things on show

From the castle gates we enjoyed magnificent views over the Swiss countryside

The castle itself was impressive

Inside, it was full of beautifully presented rooms

The ramparts and gardens were lovely

We could have stayed the night in the car park but the cost was eye-watering. So instead we drove a few minutes down the road to an aerodrome

This place was sufficiently out of the way that a blind eye was turned to motorhomes. I slept with one ear open most of the night but we had no trouble.

With our cheese journey completed there was only one thing to do next – chocolate! The two things (other than cuckoo clocks) that the Swiss are most famous for.

We decided to try the Maison Cailler chocolate factory as their tour sounded good and it was very close to Gruyere

When we arrived it was packed with visitors and the next couple of tours were fully booked. But we only had to wait half an hour for ours to start and it was no hardship spending that time in their shop

I have rarely been surrounded by so much chocolate.

The tour started with a detailed exhibition on how chocolate is made and where the ingredients come from

Many of those ingredients were available in large quantities to try – including cocoa beans, almonds, hazelnuts and vanilla.

There was then a conveyor belt making bite-sized chocolates, which fell off the end into a big bowl for us to sample

Opposite was a gentleman meticulously hand-making chocolate animals

And after him was a six-step lesson on how to be a professional chocolate taster. You were supposed to take one chocolate and follow the six steps with it but mine kept disappearing so I had to go back for another…quite a few times.

At the end of the tour was a sample bar where we were invited to sample a dozen different chocolates. So we stood leaning against the wall stuffing yet more chocolate into our mouths

Despite feeling thoroughly sick at this point, we bravely pressed on back to the shop and bought as much chocolate as we could

That evening we drove to a farm stay over-looking the beautiful hills around the capital city of Bern

It was lovely and our hosts were very friendly and helpful, giving me lots of good advice on how to get into the city on public transport.

At this point we had crossed from the French-speaking part of Switzerland, where we had been able to communicate quite well with the locals, into the German speaking part where we were unable to do much more than ask ‘sprechen sie Englisch?’ before resorting to Google translate.

I did my training the next day being carefully watched by the resident cows

It was supposed to be a 15 minute walk downhill to the village to catch a bus that would take us to a train that would take us into Bern city centre. However, despite knowing that the bus only went once an hour, we foolishly neglected to check what time that was and arrived at the bus stop five minutes after it had left.

We spent a few minutes peering into the local fish pond

And then found BigMog’s cousin in the local fire station. The resemblance was uncanny

Compare to BigMog when we first bought him…

But then decided that we didn’t want to stand around waiting so walked 2.7km through some absolutely gorgeous countryside to the train station in the next town

When we got off the train in the heart of Bern’s historic centre we were amazed at how beautiful it was

For a capital city it was incredibly calm, clean and quiet

The parliament building was impressive

And we were treated to lovely views from there over the river

We walked to the Zytglogge clock which is one of Bern’s most famous landmarks

But, despite arriving just in time to see the full hourly show, we were left a little non-plussed by the whole thing.

We wandered around the pretty streets, full of beautiful old buildings

And then went to see the house of one of the most famous residents of the city

Apparently Einstein only lived here with his family for a few years. It was really just an apartment and quite small

But they have made a very informative museum out of it and we found out that when Einstein was in his 70s he was asked to become the President of Israel.

From there we had a lovely lunch of burritoes then popped in to see the cathedral

One thing we learnt about Bern during our visit is that there have been bears living in the city since the 1500s and there are still three of them in a large parkland area next to the river.

We ambled through the town to see whether we could spot them

As we waited we admired the views over the river below

As well as watching some people jumping off the bridge and others paddle-boarding or boating

Before long a bear appeared beneath us

And as we watched another arrived behind it

We were thrilled.

Our journey back to the farm was far easier than the way out – we managed not to miss the train or the bus this time. But the hike back up the hill from the bus stop bordered on extreme mountain climbing and our legs ached for days afterwards.

We were beginning to have some success in Switzerland but were also feeling rather hemmed in. It felt as though we were being watched all the time and when I mentioned this to a local, she said that was because we were! There were so many rules and regulations, so many things we couldn’t do or had to do. The roads were frantic and the driving chaotic. There didn’t seem to be any space – geographically or metaphorically.

The historic centre of Bern had been clean and calm but our next stop was to be Zurich, the economic capital, and that was a completely different story. We headed towards the first of two options for parking up just outside the city centre and before we knew it were caught up yet again in heavy traffic and stressful navigation. The first car park looked too tight and not very safe. We went onto the second but this required a u-turn across four lanes of traffic including two busy tram lines and I’m not sure how we managed not to cause an accident. We then missed a turn and went sailing down the road past the car park.

We had no desire to go back so I quickly plotted a route out of the city. Twenty minutes later we were safely in a quiet car park next to the river and could finally let ourselves breath

The riverside trees provided a lovely setting for my early morning training and the area was full of families and dog walkers. It was a great respite from the madness

We got the train into Zurich which was very easy but once we arrived the difference between this city and Bern was stark.

Zurich is a busy city, a working city, not made for beauty. We had to circumnavigate a host of roadworks to find our way to the Design Museum, it seemed that pedestrians were not top priority here.

The museum itself was great. We started in the ‘film poster’ exhibition

Then went on to a fascinating AI exhibition full of interactive games and ingenious ideas

The final exhibition was dedicated to Susanne Bartsch who was a famous designer of clothes for night clubs. Her designs ranged from the weird to the wonderful

To the downright bizarre

In all we spent 2.5 hours in the museum and treated ourselves to the second of only two meals out we allowed ourselves in Switzerland – a toasty in the museum café.

After lunch we headed for the old town but found little to hold our interest

So had a walk down Bahnhoffstrasse which is supposed to be the most expensive street in the world. As we peered into the designer clothes, shoes and handbag shops I felt grateful that we didn’t have enough money to have to spend any time in there! We looked through the windows of the jewellery and watch shops but it all seemed a bit over the top.

So instead, true to style, we spent a small fortune in the chocolate shop and came out with big grins on our faces

We strolled past the Fraumunster church

And the Grossmunster church

And followed some pretty cobbled streets to the Kunsthaus art gallery which was closed.

From there we jumped on a tram to the Pavillon Le Corbisier, a stylised house built by the famous architect Corbisier

It is entirely made of concrete

Not very pretty but of its type I suppose.

By this time we felt that we had ‘done’ Zurich so jumped on the train out of the city centre

Back into the greener suburbs

And spent a peaceful evening in BigMog eating our newly bought chocolate and washing it down with a nice glass of wine.

We were citied-out at this point and were in need of some less stressful driving and a bit more space. So we headed off to the small town of Weggis on Lake Lucerne

We arrived to find that the car park by the cable car station, which allows motorhomes to stay overnight, was almost empty and had the most fabulous views over the lake

We breathed in the clean, calm air and felt more relaxed than we had for a while

We were planning to go to the top of Rigi Kulm, 2,500m up, so pulled on our heavy trousers and thick fleeces, packed a picnic lunch and headed to the ticket office.

The cable car sailed up the mountain

Taking us higher and higher

Until we were at about 1,500m

Here we disembarked and spent half an hour or so admiring the views whilst we waited for the cog wheel train to arrive and take us to the top.

Cog wheel trains are brilliant inventions. They go up and down very steep inclines by means of interlocking cogs under the train and on the track

The train itself was very cute

And the journey was lovely

We were incredibly lucky with the weather, it was cool but sunny with perfectly blue skies

The view in all directions was spectacular

Over the crystal blue lakes

With the stunning Alps as a backdrop

We sat on a bench looking out over the mountains and ate our picnic, then I treated myself to a coke only to find that drinking fizzy drinks at 2,500m is a skill I had not yet acquired!

But between the mountains, the lakes and the blue skies, it was a perfect day

We were enjoying the peace and quiet in our car park so much that we decided to stay another day

This time we headed down to the lake. Despite the staggering £100 price tag for the local boats, we pressed on and bought day tickets – we were only going to be here once afterall

Our first stop was the pretty town of Vitznau

It was an interesting combination of old, historic architecture

Alongside modern buildings perched on the mountainside

The most prominent building was the Park Hotel so we walked to it and took some photos

Then walked back again and jumped back on the boat

This time we went all the way up to Lucerne, watching the world go by as we chugged along

As we approached, the town looked very impressive

We arrived just before 2pm and made our way straight to the Chapel Bridge

It was lovely

And as we walked through we admired the old frescoes on the ceiling

It started raining and we hoped to find shelter having a nice lunch somewhere. But the prices were so high we ended up eating a take-away salad box and pastry under a bus shelter for the price of a three course meal in any other country!

We carried on ambing around the pretty town in the pouring rain

Then made a mad dash to catch our ferry. Just as we sailed back into Weggis the rain stopped and the sun came out.

Another successful day.

Switzerland was proving to be a country of two halves. Much of it was heavily populated with chaotic traffic. No-one seemed happy and no-one wanted to chat or even smile at us – we didn’t feel at all welcome. Everything was eye-wateringly expensive and the level of regulation seemed oppressive.

But then again, many parts of the country were stunning. The lakes were lovely, the mountains beautiful. When we got it right we got it very right.

I cannot say that we were hating our time here but we were certainly not feeling relaxed and absolutely not losing ourselves in our travels – we had to spend so much time planning, researching and checking every little detail that there was no chance of spontaneity.

So what would be next? Could we keep going or was it all getting too much? An escape into Italy was feeling increasingly attractive but would that be out of the frying pan and into the fire?

We had some decisions to make and the plan we left the UK with was looking less and less viable…